Processing!!! Overthinking maybe!!
An Excuse for not writing or sharing everything around me. Sometimes it can take hours, days or in this case months. A reassessment of what I was made for. What am I really here for?
When I created LiveLiveLives.com, there was to be constant entries, comments, stories and hopefully inspired food for thought. Like any creations, they evolve.
Somewhat expanded!
Somewhat different! Somewhat more myself!!
Becoming more personal, more story driven, more intimate and. much much more real......
So how to involve you? How to inspire and keep relevant? How to.....
So much has happened to me but then again that's always been the case for me. Just to keep up with how I am always thinking there is so much more than most of everyone else. But then again it is futile to compare with others as it becomes insanely impossible and not a good use of my time.
So I begin with a request from someone came down to this simple statement. "Don't Overthink it!
How freeing that has been. It reminds me that the universe is spontaneous. Simple but impactful. And for myself always on time.
Recently returned from my other home. Paris. The place that inspires me on all my own levels. Always fills me up. With all of the trips back and forth over the years, Paris always presents itself with something new and inspired.
Writing?
Never wanted it. Never Hoped for it, but like an unwanted relationship it parked itself at my door. There have been comments good and bad over the years. Support and divorce of the habit of writing. Much like relationships really..
They come and go sometimes like a huge fucking parade. And others like something to be forgotten over drinks.
There's a downtown smell of cooking
From the flame on an open grill
There's a sax and a big bass pumping
Lord have mercy
I can't sit still!!!
You don't need to hear it
But I'm dried-up and sick to death of love
If you need to know it
I never really understood that stuff
All the stars and bleeding hearts
All the tears that welled up in my eyes
Never meant a thing to me
Read 'em as they say and weep
I never cared enough to cry.
A little deep for the New Year. Well why not? I think we all need things that prod us back into our realities of who we are and why we are!! But honesty just does not spill out of people.
I came from a world where it was hard to express my own thought and feelings into correct words. I had the issue of voice displacement. I would spend myself re wording and re phrasing things so people would understand. So when I did find my voice, it was huge flood of talking with anyone anywhere. Whether they understood what I was trying to say or just being polite and nodding. It did not matter.
A huge positive bank of storing up things to say made me process conversations I had with people years ago or that very same day.
Just wanting to be heard.
Just wanting to be understood.
There has been a huge benefit of finally getting out what I wanted to say. Suddenly being told of how positive and inspiring I am . It was and is a huge surprise to me this day. Being in the shadows for so many of the years taught me the personal pains of the people around me. The ones that did not know I heard every word.
And even though I have done some big and grand things or at least have been reminded by others that I have done just that. At that time I did not bring everything to the table that owned.
It has been a moment since I wrote in this blog. I was in quiet protest for the WGA and SAG. Writers Guild of America and Screen Actors Guild. They are so much a part of my world.
The artists, actors, writers, directors and anything that is a part of storytelling. So when you don't exercise that writing and memory muscle , it can take a moment to start back up in us. As for me there was a build up of all that I had no choice but to open the door.
To let it all back in like an Old Friend.
One of the largest tools I was given when I was in therapy was to have a journal. To write something down somewhere, somehow any day would soon become my closest ally.
There was a meeting I had at a Studio with a A list DIrector that I had become friends. I had shared I wanted to make my own movie. And to Direct it as well. The director said, "You want to direct, then you must become a writer". "Not just any writer but a true to yourself writer". "When you write from the heart, You will be heard".
Never forgot that lesson . And here we are !!
Heart to Heart.
I am not going to make grand gestures here and say that I will write regular posts, regular scripts and regular stories.
Transparency is my friend. Honesty is the thought for today.
What I will say is this is 'What I was made for". Made to be just as I am. Someone asked if I had someone that I am in love with? Someone that I discovered that made me sing around the house? Someone I wanted to cook for?
Yes.... I did. I found my incredible self. My own sense of confidence and self worth.. My self discovery has made all the difference. I can guarantee I am never lonely. Sometimes nostalgic of some of the moments I have had but never enough to be sad.
The people in my life are amazing. Brilliant and hopeful. Full of ideas and dreams. And for them I can be one of those very things.
Please continue with what you are having for this New Year. If you don't like it you know what to do. And to quote from "Steel Magnolias". "If you don't have anything nice to say about somebody, then come sit by me"
Thanks for reading Live Live Live. By Rand Angel. Cheers.
Music for 2024
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