"I have been so many places in my life and times. Sung so many songs, made some bad rhymes. Now we are alone now and I am singing this song to you"
Moving myself forward is not as easy as you might think. I might have all the answers to give to all of you but when I question myself, the introspection takes a long long road.
There are many steps to taking to find yourself. To find what you truly are behind all the smoke and mirrors. I am no different than any of you. I have all the drama and tragedy that you might have endured or are going thru as we speak. Maybe my own paths have been a lot more than yours due to my want and need for a fuller life. Maybe a lot more due my Moms past. More scandalous due to my Dads past.
But they are my stories!
They are my own personal pains!
All of the things I have been thru can be labeled as insurmountable. Maybe you might think it's due to my own guilt. Maybe the things I have lived through might make for a huge drama.
But this is my own story!
Pause for music.....
I chose this performance cause like myself. We are both Autistic........At different stages but we are who we are.
My own failures and success moments. In order to help others that are in personal pains. To help others that get stuck or think "What do I do now". With such a full life that I am given, I would feel irresponsible in not showing how it gets better. I have had to endure all these things to be able to show the freedom from your own pains.
"It takes one to know One".
Each day, each year passing my life gets to a better place. At least that's is what I think. At least that's what I know.
Mental anguish is real. Mental depression is real. They have to be labeled in order to address them one by one. I was fortunate to have made the choice to get better. Ten years of therapy and some additional refresher psych visits. Lets just say.
"Happy at last"
I am not delusional and think each day will be perfect as there are still many lessons as I continue to grow. The therapies gave me my own permissions to go after what I wanted to be.
To become!
As for labeling the psychiatrist gave me this image. A cupboard full of jars with their own lids. Dependent on how many things I wanted to work on, to work through would give me an image of how many jars and shelves. As you might imagine and now know. My life is a huge enormous pantry with so many shelves and jars that you lose count. So thats what we did. Each jar representing a different moment to work thru, to address. As went through each one, the lids came off and and the pantry began to empty. Some jars might have had so many things in each one that it took a moment to take the lid off. But I did!
I was told that my case was so deep and so much that there are very very few that would have survived. The case was large enough that like I am sharing with you, it made the Psychology Today magazine a few different times. (Psychology Today is a media organization with a focus on psychology and human behavior). When we are given so many things the best way to get better is to show others how to get better. The lessons learnt from my own life does help others. Did I want to become published?
Well yea, but maybe by my own writings, my own stories. But the reality is that the lessons were thoughtfully and intelligently presented and like my own visits with my psych, they are personal. I made the choice to let them be shared. By making others happy, I made myself happy.
So some easier sometimes said than done steps.
Own what and who you are!
Forgive yourself for having to endure!
Write out as much possible in description of what you are wanting!
Don't be in a hurry!
Take a deep breath!
Know things will get better!
Believe!
So after all this. All of who I am today.
The purpose of this blog is and has always been a tool to show you how.
To motivate!
To lift you up!
To make you laugh!
To make you live!
As for myself, I am still in pursuit of my own things. I gave myself the permission of no limits. Always moving forward maybe not at the speed I want but moving forward. The patience lesson has always been the hardest. Some things do move really fast but I had to go thru those to get to larger picture.
My belief is we are surrounded by personal angels. Either spiritual or real life angels. The more that we can handle, the more we are shown. The power that is around us at all times. They are just waiting to be asked. They live for that.
So in closing for now, whether you believe or not.
Understand or not!
Maybe just maybe you are reading an angels thought. I am real. As real as imagined. A voice for the universe.
Oh and by the way (By the Way) my last name is just that. Angel!
Thanks for reading my story, my blog. Until the next time. Live Live Live. Life is a banquet where more people seem to starve at it..... Cheers!
Some traveling music, If I may.....
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