There has never been a moment gone by that I am not reminded of my living lifestyle. With the recent and incredible performance of Renee Zellweger as Judy, so many memories came up and forced me out of the closet again. Ha!!
As if there was ever a closet for me.
There was no coming out. I do remember the moment when I voiced my reality out loud.
It was scary! It was emotional!
It was raw! I have to admit the moment was freeing on so many levels. My reasons for wanting to write this personal side of me have been tearing at me for awhile now,
What does this have to do with living my life fully? Everything!!
It's a part of me but does not define me.
It is an accessory to my genuine life. It is one of the facets that make up the who and why I came about. I guess I have to admit there is some mileage here as I have managed to survive so many years of wanting acceptance as a human being. Of just wanting people to accept me without all the taglines that accompany a gay man. Much less a jewish gay man. It's definitely a mantra for Hollywood. Thankfully to survive the years of AID's that came bouncing along to my life in 1989. The period when America would deny us as human beings living here that were gay and turn a blind eye as so many of my friends were dying so quickly that I lost count after 500. For me there were complete generations that I had become close to all wiped out. Suddenly all the people that loved me, that made me laugh, that made such a difference were gone.
I could relate to what it was like for my Mom to have your entire world erased in front of you making you feel so alone, so sad. So vulnerable! A huge difference here is that Mom's entire family were wiped out in front of her in a matter of seconds.
My friends were gone over a 10 year period.
As far as I care to remember i have marched, raised money, campaigned for people to bring us equal rights.
I was at a fundraiser for AIDS and hearing Elizabeth Taylor utter “It is strange that the years teach us patience; that the shorter our time, the greater our capacity for waiting.”. A line she repeated many many times. In fact I hosted a fundraiser where we raised 72 thousand dollars and got a personal letter of support from her that very day.
I marched in the first gay march on Atlanta Georgia. Was CEO of the largest gay circuit event in the country at one time.
Marched for Matthew Shepard who was murdered for being gay. He became iconic in the gay rights movement.
Year after year marched for gay marriage rights. Truth be told, I am glad we have the right to marry but have had to rethink my position on marriage entirely. For me I think it's impossible to love one man, so I don't.
I love many men. Everyone different. It's what they bring to the table that has them stay in my life.
So if you ask what does this have to do with living life to the fullest?
Simply put: "To live fully, you have be in life fully to really understand anything".
All of the mantras, victories, battles and set backs are still yet to be completed as I continue on and never look back.
All of the usual horrors of having a father that disowned me and threw me out of the house and the years of therapy just to become my real self were worth every tear. Worth every dramatic pause moment and yes worth surviving a suicide attempt in me teens because it just seemed to much to deal with. That was a defining moment for sure. But even after that and to this very moment.
I have no regrets!!
My success, my victories, my set backs, my roller coaster of emotions of joy, laughter, heart ache and several visits to the liquor store have taught me one thing.
I am worth every moment! WIth all the life I have lived and continue to live, how could I not man up and tell others about living.
“The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they’re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.” a favorite from Liz.
And to quote another line from a famous Judy Garland song: "Pack up your troubles and just get happy".
I am still packing every day and "Happy" is here to stay. I have taken the time to surround myself with the movers and shakers.
The ones that get me completely! The survivors that know the best is yet to come!
I could have learned to hate so easily but that very emotion carries so much responsibility. When you hate something it gives it so much power to the very thing you want gone in your life.
Forgive it and it goes away. Much easier and gives allowance to so many great things.
There is no time for hate!
I remember that being gay was told to me that it was a choice. Well partly true.
I choose me!
It's the easiest and best way to maneuver this life we live.
If you want to come out, then come out to being happy. Being You! Just plainly live in the moment.
See you at the next star studded event. Cheers.
Thanks for reading Live-Live-Live. I am humbled every day by the support. Love to everyone!
Let's dance this off. Cheers!